no object

it is not wrong to light the curtains on fire and close the windows, to burn down from the inside.

in the final flare of your last thrusting guttering shines a brightest ecstasy before the night, in his black voluptuousness, takes us. bellies up, heads thrown back in joy or surrender, baring the softest meat of the silky white necks- like a bed laid open for eternal sleeping- and black-fanged, awful-teethed, he can devour us completely. roiling, folding darkness whose billows are tempered by no light.

i will find your demolished body, wind the ribbons of your skin to one cloth, return the bones from where i've borrowed them, set the gears back to turning, align them in your chest, blow from deep to start the rotors. prop you to stand and slip under your risen wing to listen watchfully, ever wakeful in the echo of your clock-part heart, ever breathing into your raspy bellows lung
(if i stop, we're both goners)



yesterday vs hypoglycemic fit. fait peur. il y avait un moment je ne suis pas arrivée a déclencher qu'un seul muscle. ça ne prend qu'un pour que tous puissent déclencher. respirer normalement, comme il faut. ne tire pas sur cette veine qui t'embêtes, ne cherches pas de l'enlever....you aren't crazy if you know something is wrong right? even if you can't fix it right away? when you are bargaining on sanity it's already a lost cause. reminder to be fucking careful with sugar and not to forget lunch.

took a long walk in the snow. afternoon sun warmed the ears of the graveyard across the street, hundreds of headstones basking in the light. various offerings from the living litter the icy ground, my footfalls are muffled by overwhelming silence. thick cloud of frozen breath melts in the sunshine and disappears, leaving me alone with all the lines of patient dead waiting for eternity.

"new" kurt vonnegut story published in the sunday times. the loneliness of airports is amplified by the empty apartment reaching out its arms to soothe and strangle me. mom and dad seem happy, they hold hands in the car and look over to smile at each other intermittently. dad smiles with teeth, like a ham. takes nerves of steel to deal with my mom and i.

ressources humaines, le film, m'a fait pleurer fort.