the dearth of chocolate in this house is a)unprecedented and b)not okay

monday
evangelical on the metro, he wails and rages for six stops. he leans out the doors and yells: que dieu vous bénisse, mesdames et messeuirs! que dieu vous bénisse! some of the less morning-inclined passengers were upset in no small measure by his volume or his message. retaining laughter has bénissed me with a hernia. as he yells, spit is visible flying from his mouth from twenty paces where i stand. baptism in the word. a second morning shower. i feel the sound waves hit my ear drums: aimez vos frères, aimez vos soeurs, aimez même les gays et les lesbiennes. AIMEZ TOUT LE MONDE! RÉVÉLATION! RÉVÉLATION! GÉNÉRATION! GÉNÉRATION! ARMAGEDDON!

it is a long day at the sorbonne and nyu campuses. the twelve hour mark comes and goes, i toil on. the night is thin, and cold. for the evening workshop, we have three hours of presentations and two hours of discussion. the discussion is fueled by wine. small embers smolder in my stomach. at the end of the day, finally, i stumble upon some enlightening graffiti: il faut mourir pour être sauvé

tuesday
stylistics and semantics, meetings for the residence, tutorat with valérie (bien passée en plus), deux heures de n'importe quoi, meeting with dr.cynthia (who thinks i am a bona fide crack-pot and who may not be completely wrong)
leftover soup from my chicken carcass, now sadly no more than an exhausted lump of marrowless bones in the trash.
sleep is slower coming than seems possible, more delicious than any wine, as good as a decent whiskey. i dreamt smiling, dreamt goldfish dreams already swum away on waking. woke thick-eyed and moany, muscle sore and dizzy. a good sleep.

today
today
aujourd'hui
il est dix heures et je suis crevée encore une fois. il ne reste aucun morceau de chocolat dans la maison. je vais perdre du sang, le sang le plus noir, le sang le plus fécond de mon corps. et le destin n'a-t-il pas honte de me priver de nourriture comme ça? j'ai eu des réunions l'après-midi. beaucoup lu, beaucoup bu du thé. quoi de neuf?