she's not afraid to die, the people all call her alaska

better put the kettle on.


spent the day with angel and her mother at the brocante and père lachaise. ate brunch at chez justine. the part of me that writes feels dead, long dead, dead for years.

wake up, are you even alive?




et on se reverra jamais. et j'ai peur. est-ce déjà fait? ai-je déjà perdue? et je dois savoir, avant de te contacter, je doit être sûr de moi, ma choix, de toi. et je ne le suis pas, je ne le suis plus. tu es là, quelque pqrt, et je m'ignore de ce que tu fais, si je te manque, comment es-tu? heureux plutôt?

et le temps se déroule, et je me suis dit que je ne ferrais jamais ce que je suis en train de faire, de me laisser perdre. il y a pas des réponses, je le sais. est-ce c'était vrai? mensonge complet? combien tu me manque...c'est comme si j'avais perdue un membre. je le sens toujours, la fantôme de ce qui était là, qui ne l'est plus.

je ne fais pas des rédactions. je fais des erreurs. des fois, des grosses.
et je n'ai pas peur de mourir.

the time that unfolds, my new name,
the old fear fear realized.
the night falls under the wheel of the sun, is crushed.
we are wrapped up in rivers and boulevards as the map
folds over us like a blanket.
as our destinations close in on us.

the bobbin of days unrolls, so the machine hurtles on.
i catch in its gears and tear,
i am pulled through the eye of the needle.
release floats me down infinitely, like a sheet in orbit.
the infinite vacuum is full of lost things.
the dog dies, every address changes.

time refolds, its tongue is like the inside of a sea urchin.
it swallows everything.

and our friends marry each other and move to the coast.
darkness reins and hell shudders closer on its ageless rails.
the black ship night reads from dead stars and sets sail.
my soul stays in bed and folds into the wall with the duvet.

i writhe on my needle, i beg for air
i joust horseless and lose
i pull all the arrows out of my chest and breathe through the holes
i trade my teeth for directions and the labyrinth laughs with my smile
i am mislabeled and filed
i am stillborn and thrown away
there are no funerals for the unchristened or the apostates

i'll swear on your name until the blood and sweat drown my throat
i'll claw from my grave to denounce you
i'll point my nailless finger and
eat worms and
fight endlessly

i will not rest
i will not rest
i will not rest in peace