atonement,

a mouthful of dirty city lake water.
up to your ankles in duck shit.
or walking home barefoot
down the center of the pot-holed road.
drowning the dodged look of the best
friend who comes in and strokes your wet
hair while you fall
to sleep.
relief at odds
with the feeling of watching yourself jump
the lost feeling
consummate as the cold.
i am foreign stars in a familiar sky
an unmarked body
which keeps its scars secret.
i mask questions to satisfy
the desire for innocence
to not know yet.
flowers clasped loosely in my palms
belly up on the neighbors lawn.
who will be the one
to swim into the drowning
and pull the water safely out?