i am magic decoder ring

(somedays that shit only says one thing)





mother is here, asleep and soft with her long hair pulled back. she looks again like she did when i was three, four, five, when paul was a baby. long walks in the garden and she still knows the secret language of plants. latin me this, latin me that. blue sky, low shine. every color just absorbs. and absorbs.

last night, the business dinner and i tag along. no no no not this. some days, everything you are not is the river you have tried to tip toe across on small stones. it rushes beneath you dizzyingly and so close. come in, let me take you, let me submerge you, let me smother you. become me. and i feel it splashing on my feet but i will never never never go under, so keep your hands to yourself you terrible terrible false water. i know what a trap looks like when it glints it's false teeth at me! i don't even feel in the least like swimming! (i'll wait, politely, and when my water comes along, i'll dive right in, thank you. you don't have to be able to describe the perfect bath, just to identify it on sight.)



in my dream, which i dream with my teeth clenched, everything dissolves in a fantastic shimmering. wake to the low roar of the ambulance, yes no yes no yes no